Hahahaha!

The world spins in circles, right? Well, my whole life is spinning in circles around me.  James and Carrie are back in my life.  I am still the best friend.  Oh yay for me.  The girl who can never get her life together, Ang.  Yep. That is me. Make it even better?  Yeah....now that we are divorced...Tim decides to see a therapist and gets diagnosed with what?  Depression!!  Gee...I told him that and tried to get him to go get help before.  But no.  Now that we are divorced he goes.  Now he believes me and now he wants my help.  So I am giving it to him. For once I am fighting my demon head on.  Tearing my heart completely out and giving even more to him....for what?  A hope.  A hope that he will fix himself.  A hope that I matter enough.  Not just to him...but to anyone.  I wish I could have the Tim back that brought life into me but I guess I lost all hope for that when he signed those divorce papers without even flinching.  He is back living in my house.  My new (no Tim) house. He asked me for help and I am helping.  I wouldn't turn my back on any of my other friends....so why should I turn my back on him.  He didn't cheat on me because he was mad at me.  He cheated on me because his depression made him have low self esteem.  It could have been a hole in the ground telling him that he was awesome. It didn't matter who it was.  So I no longer feel lower than a toothless 23 yr old waffle house waitress. As much as him being around is making me cry more....I am healing.  It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  But I need to do this...for me.  Not just for him.  For me.

I know it seems like I am falling into a deep depression.  Honestly I feel like I am going through all the crap that got me here and trying to make sense of it so I can rise up again.  One day I will be a stronger and happier Ang.