Just because I'm there, doesn't mean you are

     So James and I have been doing a lot of talking.  He is not ready for a relationship.  As his best friend, I agree. He is also not 100% confident that I would never hurt him, which by now he should be. I mean if in the past 31 years I have hurt myself to avoid possibly hurting him, that should tell him how much I am willing to go out of my way to not hurt him.  Not sure he has reached the point where I am at though.  It's all good.  I am focused on getting healthy right now.  Losing this weight and getting my cholesterol under control. Pretty sure James is not attracted to fat girls.  I am willing to place money on the fact that when I lose this weight, he will all of a sudden be ready for a relationship with me.  It's sad. But I am just as shallow so I can't blame him.  

    Joined an exercise group at work.  Starting with just me and two guys from the maintenance shop.  We are going to walk laps around the parking lot during lunch.  I am going to go today and pick up earpods so I can jam out while I walk. I also need to go pick up vitamins.  The exercise group started because our work health insurance company is doing a competition among the prisons to see who can walk the most. So the three of us decided we were going to participate. We were going to join the Coffee group, since that is where we work but they made it private, so we joined the next closest prison....Wheeler.  We are close to those folks too. Hey if this competition helps me lose weight, I will take the help.  The insurance company is sending me a scale, some workout DVDs, and a food scale. They have a health coach that is going to call me once a week for 30 minutes for the next 52 weeks.  I think I may actually lose this week.

    I have decided that if we get this stimulus check that after paying the bills, I am going to do something for me.  I am going to get away on a mini-vacation.  I am going to use a bit of my PTO and go to an AIR BNB and stay somewhere relaxing and away from the BS. Maybe somewhere up in the mountains of Georgia. Just break away from people and their BS.