Sorted but no conclusions

We went camping yesterday and today.  We always seem to go when Tim and I are split up, no matter how much we try to go when Tim and I are together.  Yet for some reason, this time I felt as if it was no fun because he was not there.  I could not talk to him which made it even harder to function.  Could not sleep.  It felt so strange.  We left at 8am this morning.  Kids and I were complaining of boredom.

I did talk to Julie and Brandon throughout the night and that gave me a few laughs.

I did a lot of thinking about Tim though.  Came to no conclusions but did feel better having sorted out some thoughts.  I do feel as though maybe he may actually feel strong enough about me that he is willing to try and change.  He has never completely cut off communication from me so he could get his head together.  He has never told me that he was willing to change and better himself.  So maybe.  Question that remains, can he convince me that he is really done talking to her and any other girl that writes him love notes?  Can he really act like a husband that loves his wife?  Certainly no other man could ever have my heart like he does.  I won't give it away again to any man. Done done with men altogether....except Tim.  At this point, I am done with Tim too but if he changes and can convince me, like I know he can, then he has a chance at having it back.

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Spent most of the day today hanging out with the kids and Julie.  I am really beginning to be a functioning human being with emotions.  I actually can put on a real smile.  I am not sure what the hell is happening but I am definitely not arguing with it.

Heading to church in the morning.  I am going to be having a nice long talk with God.  Thanking Him for some things and asking Him for others.  I will need God's help as I look for another job.  They are promoting two people to management next month, which means I will only be working 15 hours a week.  So I definitely need a new job.  I cannot feed three kids on 15 hours a week, nor can I pay the bills.  Friday we will be heading to Social Security in Waycross to get Destinee's Social Security started.  I was going to go to Macclenny to return my Florida tags but Tim has asked for his privacy.  I am honoring it.  I know I would hate to even see my truck if I was him.

I hear he has been busy on the dating websites so that confuses me.  He said he needed time to find himself and get himself together but he is out trying to find a girlfriend or a one night stand?  Either way, that is totally not cool.

Julie told me today that I am nowhere near recovering from the Tim mess.  She wants to take me to the movies next weekend.  I think I will need that.  Girl time is long overdue!!!  She makes me laugh and makes me feel motivated to tackle the world.  The distance thing makes it hard to hang out with her often though.  That part totally sucks.

All of my really great girl friends live far away.  Sam lives in Palm Coast, Mary is in SC, and Willie is in Jax.  Ugh!!