Fight Procrastination!!

Yep.  Looks like I am definitely moving back to Daytona area.  Talked to Bonny some more.  I am going to get my truck fixed and then take a trip to her house.  Curtis said he would help me find a place but I will see if he actually can do that.  I hope so.  I trust his opinion more than anyone else's.  I know I need to go home.  Talked to Mike LeFave last night.  He told me I need to stop running.  Now Dave Bradshaw is worried about me too.  Ugh!!  I love my friends and love that they are checking in on me.  However, I feel like I have been letting everyone down lately.  They all seem to think I am some sort of mighty woman but really I am not.  Mike and Dave have been telling me for years that I am too nice of a person to put up with the crap that Tim gave me.

Then last night, Tim texted me and asked me if I was ok.  I told him the truth.  He told me that my heart was never his and that it always belonged to Curtis.  That pisses me off.  Maybe the first nine years, that was the case, but this past year, it was not.  I really gave Tim a lot of me.  Well, okay maybe I didn't give all of me but dang it, that takes time.  I told Tim that part of the problem was that he did not exactly give me himself either.  He never talked to me like Curtis does.  When Curtis and I talk, I know what's going on in his head, because he tells me.  Tim never did that crap.  He couldn't even tell me what he wanted for retirement.  That's not that private of a thought.  Holy cow!!

Maybe that's what it is.  Nobody open up like that to me!!  Well, Curtis does....but nobody else.  So how can I give myself completely to someone who can't give me themselves?  That's not even fair.

Men are so confusing.  Not that women are easier.

I always feel better after a trip to Daytona.  I sure hope my child support comes soon so I can fix my truck.  I need to start looking at places in Daytona so I don't find another reason to put it off.  I know I need to go back home.  And honestly, I really miss hanging with Bonny.  She was my best friend all through high school and college.  That husband of hers is why we stopped talking.  Now he is gone.