Hurt Beyond Repair

It has now been a week since I have asked you to leave. You have moved in with your ex, but I am supposed to believe that nothing is going on. You joined a dating service in March, while we were supposed to be happily married. I really do not know how to feel anymore. I love you so much that I would do anything in the world for you, yet you make me feel like a fool for even loving you. You won't tell me anything. You keep it all bottled up inside, yet you ask me to share with you everything. I do not understand how I fell in love with you, although, now I wonder if you just like being worshiped. It seems that any girl who tells you how awesome you are and how much they miss you, gets your attention. Cheating is a disease, so I have learned. It cannot be cured. Granted you did not touch anyone else, that I know of, but you talked to women in ways that no married man should. No married man should ever tell a woman other than his wife that he misses her, he loves her, and miss their sexual escapades.

I really wish I could say that I didn't waste the last ten years of my life on you but I feel as though I have. Not that happiness is actually out there, but I really thought I had found it in you. My love for you is genuine. My heart is beyond repair. I will never love or trust anyone again. My faith is in my children and God. Never will I put faith in anyone outside of that again. I cannot believe what you have done. It is so hard for me to wrap my head around it. Most would have left you a month ago but I gave you a chance to fix things and you didn't even try. You just gathered up more lies.

I am not meant to be loved or close to anyone but God and my children. I am not worthy of anyone else's love. If I did not have my kids right now, I would rather be dead. You killed every last piece of my kind heart.

When I think about you, my heart aches with pain and my nose bleeds the blood that was once pumped through the heart you broke. I think about you in everything I do. This house has memories of the happiest I have ever been. Nobody has ever fooled me as well as you.

The things I thought were true in life, I believed in because you gave me hope and happiness. You taught me that anything is possible. You made me believe that happiness can really be achieved in all aspects in life. But now I see it was all a lie.

I have asked you to expand your thoughts since you left and tell me what happened. Where it went wrong. What is it that caused you to hurt me, yet you refuse. How am I supposed to heal or think that I did not get played for a fool? So I am left to think of whatever evil thoughts enter my mind.